Tag: self awareness

there is an end

i thought it would last forever
this disconnect, this

this

this

separation between who i thought i was
and who i could presently be
wasn’t i happy once?
didn’t i enjoy those things?
why was i hyperventilating before something i KNEW i loved but FELT like

like

like

honestly it felt like nothing
i couldn’t feel anything
not numb, just -not- anything
no joy, no sunlight, but

but

but

one day i woke up
and i felt it
a small river flowing
a little positivity fizzing in my marrow
i breathed a little easier and

and

and

i started to step outside of my tunnel
blinded by the realization
nothing lasts forever
even the absence and the disconnect must end

how do you look up

it was like my emotions were behind a closed door
i knew they were there
but i was forgetting what they felt like
i banged and banged and banged on the door
i screamed
i yelled
but i could not get the door to open
i could not reconnect to myself
part of me remains
halved in shadows

your feelings in your arms

will you hold my heart first
before you hold me in your arms
or will you use physicality
instead of words to tell me how you feel

but this society doesnt let me read them
your feelings in your arms
because great passion has been taught
to mean great leaving

and how can i trust
that from these lessons
you are apart
and will not leave

hesit/action/ation

i’ve sat stalled at these tracks
knowing that all I have to do
is put pen to paper
fingers to keys
and the words will just flow out
they’ll cascade around me
rushing and swarming
spilling and spitting
yarning the tale of these past few weeks
of promise
of hope
of deceit
of lies
but most of all of renewal
this is my month to clean
scrape the cobwebs from my mind
fast the sugars from my limbs
absorb the sunshine on my brow
finally sit down in this chair
and write