07/2019:
i wish and i hope
and i want and i expect
but reality does not become
any clearer
07/2020:
it turns out that time
plus a big dose of hard work
mixed with some soul searching
provided the clarity i was lacking
07/2019:
i wish and i hope
and i want and i expect
but reality does not become
any clearer
07/2020:
it turns out that time
plus a big dose of hard work
mixed with some soul searching
provided the clarity i was lacking
my chest heaves
with what feels like emotions
but i know it is just air
expanding my chest
i wish it were your love instead
will you hold my heart first
before you hold me in your arms
or will you use physicality
instead of words to tell me how you feel
but this society doesnt let me read them
your feelings in your arms
because great passion has been taught
to mean great leaving
and how can i trust
that from these lessons
you are apart
and will not leave
my heart jumps at a vibrate
i trained myself
to associate my phone with your love
but my phone doesnt love me
and neither do you
and i wait
and i wait
and i wait
on someone else to bring me happiness
oh dear heart
when will you take it for yourself
babe
i love you
i know that i dont
but i know that i do
the way your fingers
trail down my ribcage
touch so soft
that it shatters my heart
the way your skin
silks against mine
like something exotic
yet so precious
the way my insides shred
at the mere thought of contact
even though its days
and miles away
first it was your hands
that betwixt me
i often thought and craved
daydreamed and hummed
about how they felt
those warm fingers caressing
those firm palms tantalizing
your hands were my salvation
your hands were my undoing
your hands were everything that is good and holy
i fell in love with your hands first
then i fell in love with you
cleaved in half by your words and my actions
half of me is a melting puddle
while the other half of me plants seeds
will i water my potential
or will i drown out my possibilities

i amplified myself
but the louder i got
the less you heard
i blew myself out
