my chest heaves
with what feels like emotions
but i know it is just air
expanding my chest
i wish it were your love instead
my chest heaves
with what feels like emotions
but i know it is just air
expanding my chest
i wish it were your love instead
will you hold my heart first
before you hold me in your arms
or will you use physicality
instead of words to tell me how you feel
but this society doesnt let me read them
your feelings in your arms
because great passion has been taught
to mean great leaving
and how can i trust
that from these lessons
you are apart
and will not leave
you can be strong
you can love again
you don’t have to believe
because you are
imagine cutting me in half
head to toe
just a clean line straight
from the middle of my forehead
to my inner intersection
i would fall
one side here
the other side there
— that’s how i feel when you leave
i’ve sat stalled at these tracks
knowing that all I have to do
is put pen to paper
fingers to keys
and the words will just flow out
they’ll cascade around me
rushing and swarming
spilling and spitting
yarning the tale of these past few weeks
of promise
of hope
of deceit
of lies
but most of all of renewal
this is my month to clean
scrape the cobwebs from my mind
fast the sugars from my limbs
absorb the sunshine on my brow
finally sit down in this chair
and write
in the quiet moments when your resolve falters
remember all the times you prevailed over hesitation
take heart in the strength it took you to begin this journey
rest for a little in self-gratitude before continuing on
cleaved in half by your words and my actions
half of me is a melting puddle
while the other half of me plants seeds
will i water my potential
or will i drown out my possibilities
has all this self discovery
really just been an awareness of others
i see in your eyes
the vulnerability i felt
the worry i push away
the insecurity i fight
please let me help you
i see too much, yes
but i help enough, no
you told me i was heaven
and then you left
do you not want heaven
or do you just not want me

i amplified myself
but the louder i got
the less you heard
i blew myself out
